Checking in to say hello from maternity leave! It’s been quite a different experience this time around - both easier and harder.
Recovery this time around has been so much easier than it was after Elio. I was able to have a VBAC, which I was really excited about, and I felt surprisingly good pretty much immediately after. I don’t know if that’s because of the VBAC compared to an emergency C-section, or because it was my second birth, or some combination of the two, but I’m really grateful to be feeling so good physically.
Being able to move around and feel like myself sooner has meant I’ve been able to pick up Elio, play with him, baby-wear Owen, cook, clean, and just generally keep up with life. That’s also meant there’s been a lot less rest this time around! Not sure if that’s a good thing or not.
One of the biggest gifts of being a second-time mom is that I’m a lot less stressed. I pay attention to feeds and diapers, but I don’t feel the need to track every little thing in an app. I haven’t stressed nearly as much about sleep or the late nights because I know how quickly this stage passes. This time around, I know how temporary it all is.
But having two kids is also much harder and in ways I wasn’t fully prepared for. My attention is divided, and now two little people need me. We’re still figuring out what this balance looks like, but it feels like we’re starting to find our flow.
Elio has been an incredible big brother. I was pretty nervous about the transition and how he would handle sharing our attention, but he’s been so sweet with Owen. He’ll bring me a pacifier or a baby blanket when I’m holding Owen, and he loves helping me burp him. If Owen starts crying, Elio will tell me, “Baby needs milk.” He loves to hold him and will sit next to me and “read” to him. Watching him become a big brother has been one of my favorite parts of this whole experience.
What’s been a little more challenging is that Owen has had some reflux issues. It’s really tough to know your baby is uncomfortable and not be able to fix it. I’m currently experimenting with cutting out dairy to see if that helps at all. This is especially challenging for me because dairy is a pretty significant source of calories and protein in my diet while breastfeeding.
I have been able to exclusively breastfeed again, which I’m so grateful for. My milk did take a few days to come in, though, and we had to supplement with formula for one day - which we also had to do with Elio. With Elio, it sent me into a spiral, and this time, I was able to accept that we needed a little help without feeling like I had failed.
I think a big part of that is that I have a lot less perfectionism around mothering this time. With Elio, I felt like I needed to be the one to feed him and that if I couldn’t do that, somehow I had failed. My goal is still to breastfeed, but I’m not stressed over needing a bit of formula here or there.
When it comes to my body postpartum, I’ve learned breastfeeding does not make the weight “fall off” for me. I’m not intentionally restricting calories because I want to make sure I’m eating enough to support breastfeeding, but I’m a little more mindful of what I’m eating and trying to pay attention to when I’m satisfied.
I’ve worked hard to have a pretty healthy relationship with food and my body. I don’t let the number on the scale dictate how I feel about myself. But I also think it’s okay to acknowledge that this can be a challenging phase of life. It’s hard not to fit into my clothes, and I’m looking forward to eventually feeling a little more like myself again. I don’t think those things are contradictory. I can appreciate and respect my body for everything it has done while also wanting to feel comfortable in my clothes again. I can prioritize nourishing myself and protecting my milk supply while also being mindful of how much I’m eating. Both things can be true.
Becoming a family of four has been so special, incredible, and hard all at once. I’m so grateful for my family, for this new little person who has joined us, and for getting to be a mom to another beautiful boy.
There really is nothing like it.
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