How We Avoid Making Separate Meals (Most Nights)
Our approach to family meals with a toddler
This is a tough topic, and it can look really different depending on your family and personalities. I also want to be upfront that I don’t have a picky eater, so I may not be the best person to give advice on this. This is just my experience and how I’ve approached cooking for my family.
When I started thinking about introducing Elio to solids, it was important to me that we eat together as a family, and that we all eat the same foods. I also just don’t have the time or bandwidth to make separate meals for everyone. That said, I absolutely honor personal preferences. I’m vegetarian and my husband eats meat, so if he wants to add it, he cooks it on the side and incorporates it into his plate. I have no issue with that.
Eating together as a family has always been important to me, but it took us a bit to get there. For about six months, we would give Elio his dinner first, put him to bed, and then my husband and I would eat. And honestly, that time together was really nice. It was peaceful and gave us a chance to connect. But ultimately, it didn’t feel aligned with what I wanted long term. It also meant that I was indeed making separate meals. I would throw something together for Elio, then make our dinner. I would give Elio what we had the night before for lunch the next day.
But we have fully made the transition to eat as a family! We now eat earlier, usually around 5-5:30, which is not always easy. It usually means letting Elio wreak havoc in the kitchen while I cook. But we sit down together, and I serve him what we’re having. If it’s something I’m not sure he’ll love, I like to add a couple “safe” foods I know he enjoys, like cheese or berries.
He’s generally great about trying what’s on his plate, and I don’t put pressure on him to eat. I really like the idea that parents decide what and when food is served, and kids decide how much they eat. Some nights he eats everything, and other nights it’s just a few bites- which is normal and okay. Kids are really good at honorning their hunger cues (alhtough it can be stressful as a parent).
When he’s done, we let him get down from his chair and move around while we finish eating. If he wants me to come play, I hold the boundary that I’m still eating and will join him when I’m done. It’s fine if he’s finished, but he doesn’t get to dictate when dinner ends for everyone else. Sometimes he comes back for a few more bites.
I know some kids are naturally pickier, and holding a boundary around not making separate meals can be really challenging. It can take anywhere from 10–30 exposures for a child to accept or even try a new food. Which is why I think there’s so much value in eating together, modeling healthy eating habits, and continuing to offer a variety of foods- whether they eat them or not. And I do believe in including at least one “safe” food on their plate.
Do you cook one meal for everyone, or something different? Share in the comments!
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